Too much sword, more cup. - Michael Loveday
As I mentioned in a previous post, earlier this month I got to enjoy a week long residency at Arrowmont for their 2020 Winter Pentaculum in Tennessee. On two of the nights in residency, all of the studio artists were invited to gather and listen to the week’s resident writers read from recent and in-progress works. The above excerpt from Loveday is from the second night of readings. I had decided to bring one of my journals with me to the reading as embroidering during the previous readings had posed some technical challenges - lighting in an auditorium being the main concern. I’m really glad that I made this change. I was able to listen more intently, but conversely I could also take the authors’ narratives and reflect them back onto thoughts that had been circulating within my own practice.
Swords in the Tarot are associated with the Air element, thought and creativity, and for my own practice they are also associated with the direction of the East. Cups are associated with the Water element, emotions and intuition, and for me they are related with the direction of the West. This excerpt from one of the short stories that Loveday shared that night made me and my fiber studio cohort chuckle and then it made us think, “Yeah…”
Sometimes the creative process becomes hindered or blocked by too much thought, and the only thing left for me to do in those moments is to tap into a flow of feeling. When I can feel free to stop thinking and start feeling new energies open up. Questioning and judgements fall away, and the doing in flow becomes the imperative.
I’m learning a lot from deepening into a relationship with the Water element. Water teaches me trust in and feel my emotions with fuller embodiment. Last night my friend and I met for a couple of drinks to enjoy a belated celebration of my 39th “ring around the Sun”. She gave me some lovely circle and oval earrings, as well as the 5 of Swords from a circular tarot deck. I laughed when I saw it, and shared that I was planning to share Loveday’s quote for my daily #laterjournal post today, and explained that I was using it as a way to redirect my circular thoughts through feeling more into my watery, emotional self.
The card is posted below for reference. Perhaps one of you can identify which deck it comes from? The card has five swords oriented in an upside down pentacle with a bee with stinger in the center of the star. We both agreed that it was about an piercing sharpness and pointed directness in communication, as well as using aspects of our shadow selves.
Once I got home, I looked up what Michelle Tea’s book Modern Tarot had to say about the 5 of Swords. Her passage agreed with our read of the card, and added that the card is a call to take a more peaceful response to moments of conflict. While sharpness may win in the moment, it won’t heal conflict in the long run. I had been feeling full of a lot of steam and recycled sharp thoughts through the second half of last week. This card felt like call in to move through and into a new relationship with conflict.
Usually, I have either avoided conflict, or gotten very sharp and protective. I was really going through it this last week with my own sharp feelings. I sent another friend of mine a GIF of Moses (portrayed by Charlton Heston) parting the Red Sea for goddess’ sake! I really had some sharp thoughts and some painful emotions that I felt driven to just clear a path through.
Tea offers rituals to work with each card in the Tarot, which are super helpful and nourishing ways use the lesson of each card as a way to pass forward and through - taking on, composting, celebrating, or simply sitting with the energy that that narrative or archetype presents. Sometimes I pass by these rituals and think of ways to work with the card in my own ways, but the medicine of this particular card felt like one I really need some assistance in holding.
Tea suggested moving the querent to a source of a large body of water for a rebalancing negative ion charge, and while I have been wanting to get myself to the Oregon Coast again soon, I decided to go with a wonderfully powerful and beautiful negative ion charging station that is a little bit closer to my home. I took myself to Multnomah Falls this afternoon, with my 5 of Swords card and a rose quartz crystal. I had a paraphrased version of Tea’s ritual memorized, and repeated it to myself as I walked up toward the falls from the parking lot, and kept repeating it to myself as I got closer and closer to the water:
I prioritize peace.
I send love to conflict.
The most charging moment of the journey up the falls has always been standing at the crest just above the bridge in front of the falls. Multnomah Falls spills here into the upper basalt cavern, feeding a pool of rushing water, then spilling out into a pool at the base of the lower falls. A lot of water gets spit out into a fine and assertive mist for any viewers that stand at this crest. I don’t always love a constant spray of water confronting my face, but this particular water source has always been full of a joyful healing charge for me.
I had been thinking a lot about how my recent relationship to conflict left me feeling especially blocked, and it suddenly hit me how this water flow in front of me was the MOST unblocked force I had seen in a long while. This water was free flowing, powerful and soft at the same time. This water was unblocked. I am mostly water, and have the agency to unblock my own flow. I don’t have to let thoughts and judgements restrict my flow. I can be like this waterfall. I can be softer. I can be in flow with my emotions. I can experience other’s feelings as water, as a flow. They pass over me, but they don’t need to remain blocked and stagnate within my own flow. I want to be free like this water. I am free like this water source. I wish more fresh water on this planet - Standing Rock, Flint, MI - was as free from conflict as this waterfall felt in that moment.
Water is a right, and it is a rite. Water is ours to protect, to hold, to love. Water gives flow to our blood. It travels through the soil, nourishes plants, moves in weather systems, shapes giant, ancient mineral formations like the Grand Canyon, makes great waves, feeds flowing rivers, and holds pools for reflection.
To hold part of the moment for later, I took some photos and videos of the falls at the crest, gave the water my thanks, and walked back over the bridge past a steady stream of families and tourists taking selfies - took my own quick falls selfie - and walked back down the switch back trail. While these falls are in free flow, the trail up and back down is constantly blocked by everyone posing for a photo in front of the falls. Understandable and relatable. Who wouldn’t want a record of being in intimate proximity to such a grand and powerful force? Large bodies of water like this are a FORCE. One steady, flowing cup, spilling forth one of our most precious and necessary resources in abundance.
Do I feel unblocked now?
I believe the unblocking will be in a constant state of flux, but I do feel more gratitude for being able to move through this journey of flow today. I move through my watery emotions with strength and softness. I work today to flow unblocked like this waterfall.
