I’ve been struggling to sit still long enough today to write to you all. The dramatic shift in light to dark during Scorpio season here in the Northern Hemisphere, and in the Pacific Northwest specifically, always leaves me restless. And this year it has me questioning with deeper intent why it is that a seasonal focus on darkness is such an emotional challenge for so many of us as earth dwellers.
I think that perhaps the receptive, inkwell black dip of late Fall and early Winter nights disrupts the active, sun-bleached narratives that permeate our psyche for the other 6 months of the year. But if we were always acting, and never reflecting, our days would soon lack the depth and richness that shadows cast.
With slow intent, I am inching my way towards the heavy, velvet cloak of Mother Night, so we can curl up together and swap tales of all things hidden and mysterious with one another. I’m a little scared of some of the things she is charging me to reflect upon and plan, but it’s a good scared. Facing fears that I’m safe to face, but have historically felt too comfortable in the discomfort to hold up really close to the candle flame.
A phrase by Clarissa Pinkola Estés from her 1981 classic Women Who Run With the Wolves, has been resounding in my consciousness throughout today: “Go out in the woods. Go out. If you don’t go out to the woods, nothing will ever happen, and your life will never begin.” I used to have this quote scrawled on my studio mirror years ago, and it helped me get through many dark passages with willingness, curiosity, and bravery. It’s time to heed the call out to the woods once again.
This time to begin a project that has been percolating for awhile now. I recall saying back in the Spring or Summer months that I’d revisit my writing on the archetype of the Sacred Clown here, but what I have since discovered for myself is just how very rich I find this topic. So writing about it a little more in depth for a newsletter or blog post simply would not be doing this subject proper justice. I need to write a whole book about it. I’ve known for awhile now that there was a book beginning to form in my practice, but it wasn’t until I decided to plan my retirement from stripping that the project began to reveal itself.
So now I simply have no choice except to step out into those woods. I am unsure of all that I will find there, but I do know that the reason the clown is so very good at smiling and laughing is because they have also known great sadness and tears. That feels so elementary to say, but it took a long time while for me to realize in my body that if I wanted to write about the clown, the fool, the trickster, the edge walker, then I’d need to address what made them feel cast out along the realm of the in-between in the first place. It will also be my job to hold that container for others who wish to share their own relationship to the Sacred Clown for this project. Because it’s more meaningful to clown in company. Because there are many clowns who have come before us to pave the way through the hidden underbelly of human existence. This is a lineage, and it deserves to be honored in good company.
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And also I’d like to acknowledge here that there are many deeply upsetting events taking place locally and abroad. I am hoping the PPS educators here in Portland can come to an equitable resolution between their union and the city soon. And abroad there are so many concerns, but my heart is with all people who support a ceasefire in Gaza. Call your representatives to make your voice heard. Listen to a few podcasts to educate yourself on the history of the conflict; the one linked here was shared by my friend, Kim. Shine a light on activists that are shining a light on the movement for Peace and Liberation for Palestine, adrienne marie brown is a mycelial web of connection here. You do not need to agree with my values here, I only ask that you respect that they are my values, and ones that I choose to share. Silence will not serve our relationships at this time.
Artemis Divine
November 22, 2023