Step inside.
Walk through the gate, and step into your own seat of power.
Last week I drew the IV of Disks, also known as the Power card in the Thoth deck, and I just LAUGHED. I rolled my head back in laughter…hahahahaha, “I’ve been pulling this card so much for the past 4 months. I know ALL about this card.” Yeah, right, sure you do…the deck, my guides, and any ancestors present engaged in a huge, collective eye roll. Something my ego had of course forgotten was that when a card keeps coming up in readings, it is an indication that the querent is in fact in need of coming to a yet deeper understanding of the card. I had more to learn, and after my laughter subsided, I remembered this truth and worked to open myself into humble receipt of new information from the card.
The most powerful piece of information that the IV of Disks had for me during this reading was the invitation to walk through the large stone gate which welcomes the viewer into the castle fortress of Power:
Step inside.
This message was a revelation. I could envision a tiny version of me walking through this gate. It brought to mind the gateway into the dark night of the soul that I imagine the scarab/dung beetle takes in The Moon card, and by way of that it also reminds me of the Sphinx Gate that Atreyu passes through in The Neverending Story. Throughout my childhood that scene was always a very tense, suspense-filled couple of moments to watch, “Can he make it? Will he burnt to a crisp by the laser eyes of the sphinx statues?” I wondered. “Be confident!” the other characters cheer as they support Atreyu from parts within and without his own magical realm. It was a nail biter to endure, and also, spoiler alert, an affirming hope-builder at the close.
On the following day I was reflecting on some specific fears I have been holding onto about being seen in my own life, and tried to get to the root of what those fears believe they are protecting. What do those fears need? A neighborhood walk provides the perspective and allowance for my thoughts to wander and wonder, so I went for a walk. What did I discover?
I have understood the mastery of stability, security in boundaries, and balance that the IV of Disks embodies, but to actually interpret the card as a device that allows me to step into my own seat of power was a completely new read. The deeper understanding that I unlocked during this revelatory, reexamining walk that I took the following day was this: a lot of my fears around being truly seen are actually wrapped up in being afraid that my power will be too much, will not be accepted by others, or will be deemed inappropriate. I have been afraid that the gift of my true power will be too much, too weird, too potent for other people to accept.
But I am beginning to understand that my own power doesn’t need external acceptance or approval in order for me to activate self-acceptance, strength, and self-actualized confidence when I step into it’s source. I only need to be brave enough through fear to step into my own container of power. I don’t have to be in this card at all times, but I do need to start creating more moments where I move into my power if for no other aim than to start getting accustomed to learning how it feels to make decisions from a place of confidence through externalized doubt.
While a lot of clarity and relief is welcomed in the clarification of purpose that this card illustrates, it also brings up a lot of the residual fear that has kept me from accessing an embodied empowerment as of late. The fears rest there on the surface like the starchy, cloudy scum that floats to the top of a boiling bath of un-rinsed potatoes. The scummy pattern of responding to an invitation for power with fear is STILL THERE. I feel squirmy, and tense. I hesitate to grow forward. It’s painful to grow, to create new thought patterns. Ugh. Can anybody else feel me on this?
And yet, the card doesn’t care that I am uncomfortable, it KNOWS I am uncomfortable, and so the invitation remains. I will need to start making some pattern shifts through these layers of discomfort. Maybe I could just start small?
What are ways that I can start making more baby steps into my own power? What are some small ways that you can start making more baby steps into your own power? This feels like a good time for making lists. I invite us all to start making more baby steps (or big steps, you do you) into our own power.
What is one way that you can step into the seat of your own power today? For me, it’s sharing this post with you all. Tomorrow it will be something different.
Walk through the gate, and step into your own seat of power.
This container awaits your sovereignty.